Week 1: Manav
“We’ll make this work, no, jaan?” she asked. “Yes, sweetheart, we will.” I replied tenderly. It had been months since I last met Anushka. “But we’ll make long distance work.” She is optimistic.
It has been a month since she moved to Roorkee, for higher studies. Her classes had already started. I reached Indore just a couple of days back, for the same purpose. My classes hadn’t started yet. People say that b-school is very hectic. I could sense that since the day I landed here. But it is being difficult for me to make her understand that. She perhaps has got used to my daily calls to her; to hours of talking. It was almost a daily ritual to call her at night, while she fell asleep peacefully while talking to me, and texted me next morning, “Sorry I fell asleep again, while talking”. I laughed.
Things have changed since past one month. Being the girl who has never been out of home alone, she’s trying to adjust with her new life in the best way possible. We don’t get to talk daily, and for the past couple of days, since I reached Indore, we’ve hardly talked. I’m not getting time even to eat, let alone talking. She throws tantrum every now and then, but then, that’s typical Anushka. At the end of the day, she is waiting for me to settle down and let our normal life resume.
“We’ll make this work, no, jaan?” she asked.
***
Week 2: Anushka
He is magical. I still remember the day I first talked to Manav. My finals got over and I was busy living the Great Indian Parents’ Dream. I was thinking of dropping a year for rediscovering myself, but at the same time I was totally depressed and insecure about my future. I didn’t know if I could come out of it. And then I met him.
It took me years to open up to someone of the opposite gender, and he made me do it in just a week. In the first talk itself, he came out to be that caring and slow-moving guy whom, I was sure, any girl would fall for. Being the person he is, it was frustrating for me to wait for him to ask my phone number, and he never did. I finally gave up one day, and gave the number myself, asking him to text me.
We’ve come a long way since then. He has been a constant source of motivation for me. The bond we share is more than love, I’m sure. For me, he is a lover, a friend, a guide and a teacher, all at the same time. He provides me a sense of security and freedom. I can happily fall asleep while talking to him. After topping my state and my zone in entrance, I had to leave home, finally. He too had to shift to Indore for higher studies. He is not giving me much importance for the past one month or so. Has something changed? I asked myself. I have heard a lot of stories about b-schools. Are all of those true? Sometimes I wish he was with me here. I feel insecure at times. The constant fear of him leaving me one day is continuously bugging me. I’m sure he’ll laugh it off if I tell him that. He can be an obnoxious jerk at times. Then again, the moment I am angry at him, he’ll find a way out to make me laugh, in a minute. He is magical.
***
Week 3: Manav
“I’m going to Delhi in two weeks. Can you please come visit me? I really want to meet you.” She asked. I really want to meet her too. The past two weeks here have been really frustrating. With classes going on in full swing, daily assignments and study pressure to remain in top, along with prospective internship preparations and other b-school melodrama, meeting her and seeing her smile would be a refreshing experience for me. But my previous appointments are binding me. I’m sure she’ll try to understand, but I have a serious doubt that she will succeed. She’s very frustrated with her new college life. We both know that it’s just a phase, but she wants a companion with whom she can spend this phase till it’s over. Can I do justice to her expectations, when I myself am struggling here, a thousand kilometer away from her? I doubt.
I’ll get a week holiday after two months, though. I can visit her then. In fact I’d love to. She deserves so much better, and I want to make this up to her. Probably I’ll make her a surprise visit, and take her out to some nearby places. I wonder if I should tell her about it now or wait at least a month more. Until then, she’ll probably be frustrated that I couldn’t go visit her in Delhi, and probably will start thinking all nonsensical things about me not caring about her, but that’s just a phase. Like many others in the past one and half years, this phase too shall pass.
***
Week 4: Anushka
I wonder if I really deserve such a treatment. It has been months, probably years, since I last met him. Despite that, I’m trying so hard to make this work, but it seems he doesn’t care at all. Last month I made this sketch for him, and he praised me a lot, but when I asked him to do something sweet for me, he said he’ll do it soon. A month gone, nothing has come to me yet.
Manav has stopped trying to woo me with his innovative ways, lately. Maybe he got bored of me, or maybe he has taken me for granted. Maybe, after all, all boys are same, at the end of the day. No matter how sweet they seem to be for you at first, they’ll show you their true colors once you get used to each other. And then he claims that he is having a hectic life. It sounds so bad, as if he wants to say that he is the only person in the world who has to do work, and I am running desperately after him because I have nothing to do here. Of course I don’t tell him how hectic my life here is. I have to be the mature one, if he chooses not to, for the sake of us.
Then again, I’m sure this is my angry mind speaking. Of course he loves me. I’ve never been loved by any boy this way. Even Shreya, Anwesha and all my other friends are jealous of me, when I tell them about us. He still calls me now and then, and makes me laugh. He never fails to compliment me.
Many people have asked me out since I’ve come here. I have to either politely decline or create a diversion. I can’t lie that it doesn’t make me happy, it certainly does. Who wouldn’t love to get compliments and attention? But this makes me sad at the same time, wishing that Manav gave me half the attention these boys are giving unnecessarily. Probably I’ll have to make him jealous in order to keep him interested in me.
***
Week 5: Manav
The other day, Anushka told me about the boys of her college hitting on her. She was telling me the stories with such a passion that I was on the verge of worrying. “But is any one of them as awesome as I am, darling?” I asked, laughing. “Well, point taken.” She sighed.
Should I worry about her getting so much attention, I asked myself. I never worried about it before, as I knew for a fact that she knew how much I loved and cared for her. But looking at her recent grumpiness, I’d probably have to revisit my whole theory. When I asked her point blank if I should worry, she answered, “Don’t take things for granted, Manav. Keep showing me your love, be it the cheesy way. Else one day one of these boys is going to take me away from you. Don’t complain it to me that I didn’t warn you before.”
I don’t take her for granted. I just know she’d not leave me for some temporary happiness she might find. She is much more matured than this; and this is one of the reasons I like her. I know I couldn’t be physically present at some of the most difficult times she had, when she needed me and asked for me, but I’m sure I can compensate for everything. If I am the guy around whom she feels the safest, why on earth will she leave me? Of course she won’t.
***
Week 6: Anushka
I’ve been hanging around a lot of people lately. I can’t claim any of them to be a good friend, but I’m trying to be in good rapport with them. Manav says I should talk to people more. He’s right, but at the same time, I sometimes just don’t feel like it. This is the same problem with all the introverts, I guess.
I was talking to Hrishikesh yesterday. He’s the friend whom you can hang out with and have a nice conversation. He is knowledgeable, funny and charming. Basically, he is just like Manav, without the narcissism, of course. I have a review project with him, whose submission is due next month. I used to tell Manav everything about what I do, whom I hang out with, but this time I chose not to tell him about Hrishikesh. In normal days, he wouldn’t bother to ask me how my day went, but if he knows I’m hanging out with a guy for days, I’m sure he’d worry like any other guy would; and I’m tired of answering Manav and trying to make him feel my importance.
For over a year Manav has been this magical guy, who has suddenly changed into this person I’m feeling distant from. I don’t know if I should give up on the hope that he’ll make me feel important again. It has gone on for too long.
***
Week 7: Manav
I was stupid when Anushka proposed me a few months back and I asked her to wait for both of us to settle down in our new places. “You might like someone else after going there, and then you’ll feel sad that you have a boyfriend. Better not to define our relationship, right?” I said, jokingly. “This is not funny, Manav.” She sounded furious. She always sounds cute when she is angry and furious. She can’t even scold people with her baby voice, since people take her lightly; and this makes her even more furious. I’d always pull her cheeks and give her a hug when she’s angry around me, but this time it was not possible when we were a thousand kilometer away.
The more I’m staying away from Anushka, the more I’m realizing how much I love and miss her. It’s been almost a week since we last had a romantic conversation. She says that she’s busy doing a project with a friend of hers. College life is hard, I told myself.
For the past couple of days, she’s been acting really weird. It’s really starting to bother me. Whenever we used to have romantic talks, she never failed to make sarcastic remarks about how I ‘rejected’ her, and every time I had to convince her that I’ll make it up to her. But she’d stopped doing that as well. I had the bad feeling that she’s started giving up on me. I have started writing the letter I promised I’d send her. Starting from the lovely jhumka earring she was wearing the first day we met, I’ve written every little things of her that made me like her more and more, every day. I’ll post the letter next week.
I think it is time to do the right thing.
***
Week 8: Anushka
Two weeks back, I started developing feelings for Hrishikesh. First I chose to ignore, figuring it to be a temporary fling which will heal itself. But the more I tried to ignore, the more I’m being attracted towards him, at an exponential rate. I feel worse when I remember Manav. He has ignored me a lot lately, but he loves me. If I tell him about my feelings for Hrishikesh, his heart will break. Worst part is that I don’t even honestly know if I love Manav anymore.
I’m surely indebted to everything Manav has done for me, when I was on the lowest point in life and I lost all my confidence. He had given me love when I needed it the most. But does it mean I’m obliged to love him forever? Is this the only way the debt can be repaid? Shouldn’t I think about my own happiness as well? These questions were clouding over me for the past few days.
Life was less bad until today, when I went out for a movie with Hrishikesh. And then he told me about his feelings for me. I don’t know if he knew or even guessed that I liked him back or not, but he couldn’t have chosen a worse time. I asked him to give me a couple of days to clear my head. He readily agreed. But I’m sure Manav wouldn’t, if he gets to know all these. But I have to tell him. This is the least I can do for him, try to make him understand the situation, apologize and ask some time from him to make things right again.
I think it is time to do the right thing.
***
“I have something to tell you.” Both texted each other
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