She Loved Me But Married Someone Else. Did She Really Love Me?

One of the most common questions that I am often asked is – ‘I loved her (or him). She (or he) loved me too. But now she (or he) is marrying another man (or woman) chosen by her (or his) family. I am heart broken. Did she (or he) really love me?’

This is a very difficult question to answer. I have talked about love a lot on Womanatics and I sincerely believe that love keeps evolving over a period of time. People change. Their priorities change and with this, the relationship two people share changes as well.

But when we are heart broken, it becomes almost impossible to understand the reasoning from other person’s point of view. Once we are left alone, all we want to know is – was I really loved in the first

place?

Neil Menon has answered this question beautifully on Quora. I don’t think I would have answered it with as much maturity as him. I  am reproducing his answer here for you. He narrates his own story in the answer to possibly explain that probably yes, she loved you but she fell a victim to circumstances. Here is what he has to say:

She said she loved me more than her parents but now she is marrying a person chosen by her parents. Did she really love me?

“I was 5 years into my relationship with my ex girlfriend when she decided that it was time to meet her parents. Both of them knew about me, but we had neither met nor spoken.

So, I flew down to Mumbai, wore the white checked shirt she had bought me for this very meeting, wore formal black trousers and formal black leather shoes.

“You’ve gotto dress up human before meeting them,” she had told me. “Captain America and Batman just won’t do!”

Fine!

Her father was a corporate heavyweight in top level management for a multinational brand and was the head on its Indian operations. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Of course I was!

Me and my ex had already planned an elaborate future together – a simple wedding in our backyard, a reception by the river, going to the Bahamas for our honeymoon, me going to the US for my PhD, bringing her over in a few years, kids in 3 years, stuff like that. So yes, given what lay at stake, I was seriously nervous.

So, I reached their place at 8 in the evening. They lived in a swanky high rise in one of Mumbai’s plush suburbs. I took the elevator to their 9th floor apartment, and rang the door bell. My gf opened the door. She was smiling nervously – the moment had got to her, too!

I took off my shoes and walked in. Her Dad was sitting on the sofa going through some files. Her grandpa sat on the couch beside him, watching KKR play in an IPL match, and her mother was in the kitchen. The moment I walked in, her mother came out to greet me.

“Hello, Aunty,” I said, smiling as wide as I could. Her Mom was my only hope!

“Hello,” she replied. There was no smiles returned. Fuck!

Her father merely lifted his head from the bunch of papers he was scanning through, and looked at me over his reading glasses. “Come and sit,” he said, shifting the papers around, making space for me beside him.

I gulped.

The moment I sat down, the interview began. It was not a social dialogue or conversation that we were having. It was a corporate interview for the post of a fresher in data entry.

“Where do you see yourself five years from now?” “Why do you want to be a physicist?” “Are you sure you want to be a scientist?” “Have you ever been abroad?” “How much are you paid now?” “Are you sure you can sustain the lifestyle my daughter has with that kind of money?” “Is this your true calling?” “Are you willing to change your profession?”……

Well, needless to say, that meeting didn’t end well. Even an attempt to butter up her grandfather didn’t work. “I don’t know why KKR insists on keeping Yousuf Pathan! He’s a useless player,” I said, managing a chuckle. For a die hard KKR fan like me, that was as good as blasphemy! Her grandfather just glared at me.

Half an hour later as I walked back to my hotel alone, my girlfriend called. Things hadn’t gone well. Her father had asked her what exactly it was that she saw in me the first time we met. It even went up to the extent of him telling her that after 5 years, it was possible that I had manipulated her into falling in love with me. Her grandfather called me a madarasi(racist term for a South Indian) and asked her what was so special about me.

My only hope, her mother, also seemed to take her husband’s side and said that he’s from ahi-fi family and is an atheist while they were staunchly religious.

“Don’t worry, shona,” she told me before we ended the call, “it’s with you I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t care what they think. Every night, it’s with you I’m going to go to bed with and every morning I’m going to wake up to you, not them. I don’t care what they think. They’re just trying to rattle me here, but don’t worry hon, I’m not going anywhere!”

Well, she didn’t! At least initially, she didn’t. She did stand up to her parents and defended me. Her brother and I were also friends and he supported us too. Her parents weren’t happy with her decisions. However, it did seem like they would accept her way eventually.

But then, the next year, she got through a fancy B-school and her Dad ended up paying for her entire tuition (close to 12lakh rupees) on his own. Now that’s a lot of money, and this had an effect on her. Suddenly, she felt obliged to her parents. Suddenly, she was not all that firm in her stance anymore. Suddenly, she was confused.

“I don’t know, Neil,” she told me one particular day when I decided to confront her. “My Dad has invested so much money here. It’s seriously a lot of money and I feel I owe him. I still want to be with you, but now there’s this big debt I feel hanging over my head.”

I understood her perspective and gave her time to think. I was in no hurry either. I was there to support her all the way.

But then, unfortunately, with time, this feeling of owing her father kept getting heavier and heavier until, one day, it was all over. One thing lead to another and yeah, we were done. 6 years of magic gone in one night of madness.

And now, she’s married to another MBA. Love marriage, actually – her senior from the B-school she went to. Her parents didn’t exactly have to find a groom for her because, apparently, this guy checked out all their boxes. North Indian, a little religious, MBA with a more than decent salary, fair, whatnot.

So, when she said she loved me, was she lying? NO, she wasn’t.

When she said she loved me more than her parents, was she lying? Well, the way she stood up to them, I did feel she loved me, if not more than her parents, she loved me as much.

So what happened? She fell a victim to circumstances. I don’t blame her for what happened. Could she have handled the situation differently? I doubt it.

So, there you go. In my experience, no she didn’t lie.

She probably was another victim of her circumstances – something she didn’t know how to handle, and honestly, not many people know how to handle a situation like that.

Perhaps, neither do I.”

This answer has originally been published on Quora. 

Your Mini Guide: The BEST Ways To End Unhealthy Relationships

Many a times we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships. They suck the happiness and joy out of our lives and make us feel trapped and miserable. These unhealthy and failed relationships are not always the romantic ones. These can exist between friends, parents-children, siblings or even coworkers. 

Often we tend to stay in such relationships due to various reasons. We do come across the cross roads of ‘leaving’ or ‘staying’ in them but we find it hard to leave even though we know we are in a rut. So how do we then break this pattern? This circle of knowing that we should immediately leave but we still don’t leave? How do we end these toxic relationships that drain us completely without giving us anything in return? 

Recently I found myself dealing with people who pretended to be my friends and well wishers in front of me but didn’t shy away from back stabbing at the first opportunity they got. 

Initially I was in a state of shock and denial. I couldn’t believe it happened to me because I thought why me? Why would someone try to belittle me? But then I realized that this world is full of different people and they work with their own motives. 

I am glad I recognized them soon and decided to park myself away from them. I made some deliberate efforts to stay away from them. Blocked them from my contacts and reduced the communication with them to mere greetings. 

Initially it seemed a little awkward to leave the conversations right after greetings when you are used to having long chit-chat sessions but now that I am over it, I find myself much more peaceful, productive and positive as a person. 

This wasn’t easy for me to do but it didn’t seem impossible too. In fact, I wasn’t very close to these people so it was a little easier for me than it would be for some of you who are in deep, committed relationships. But trust me, it only seems harder. Once you get to break free from it, it becomes do-able. 

Here are some of the tried and tested ways to end unhealthy relationships. 

1. Acknowledge that you are in an unhealthy relationship

When it comes to breaking out of rut, denial doesn’t work. Step out of denial. Acknowledge that things are not right and that you are in a toxic relationship. Unless you accept that it isn’t an enriching relationship, it won’t help. 

How do you know it is toxic? Ask yourself the following questions: 

• Does this person’s presence make me feel good about myself?
• Do I want to spend more time with him right now?
• Does he encourage me to do better in life without belittling or crushing me?
• Does he add to my life or deplete from it? 

Answers to the questions above will tell you if you should stay back or make a run right away. 

Believe me it all starts with this one step. Tell yourself that you need to break free and rest will follow.

2. Just get away from it

Once we decide to leave, we still often loom around it. We continue to respond to their texts, calls and meet them as and when the need arises. These abrupt connections and communications do not let the break ups happen and after a while we get back to square one. 

Break this pattern. Just get away from it. Stop responding. Do not communicate. Take a break. 

You do not have to block the person literally but try as much as possible to avoid him. If you keep dwindling between minimizing the contacts and being in contact, nothing will come out of it. Such relationships have us deeply entangled which is why we find it difficult to end them. But to do so, you have to take a break. Get away from it as far as possible. 

3. Identify the voids and fill them

Now that you are away from the person, find out the holes or gaps this person’s absence has left in your life. Most likely it will be a need to talk to them. 

In most cases, we become over dependent on such people and that leads to our weaknesses which makes us unable to stand up for ourselves when such people drain us out. 

You are not in contact (or in minimum contact) with them anymore, so identify the voids. Fill them with alternatives. Move on. 

If he or she was your go-to friend to vent out your frustrations, replace them with a journal. Start writing in a diary.

If you depended upon them for sharing your dreams and aspirations, do not miss them. Instead, make a plan. Make a strategy to fulfill our dreams. 

In my case, this friend was someone I would hang around casually whenever I was free. Mostly during the evening walks. I wouldn’t say I missed her when I decided to get away from her but yes, I had to find a companion for evening walks. And would you guess who I found? Music on my phone and that works very well. 

Our lives are amazing. If you look around, you will find beautiful alternatives that help you in achieving the purpose of your life. Just look around and find better alternatives. 

4. Consider the pros and cons

Although this isn’t really needed but once you take a drastic step, it is always better to look back and assess and introspect things in hindsight.

What makes you feel better about yourself – writing a journal or confessing things to a person who later takes it against you?

Do you feel stronger as a person now that you lean onto yourself more than on them?

I am sure once you begin to revel in your own company, you will find it more fulfilling and enriching than anything else.

I am at much more peace right now than I was when I had these ladies around me. We may not realize the pros right away but it is a good practice to do a balance sheet kind of analysis of things when you take a decision like this. It helps in realizing what was missing in our lives earlier.  

5. Stand up with yourself

Once you take a decision, do not go back. Own you decision. Back it up with your support. I understand ending any kind of relationship can be painful and may leave you heart broken but remember that you did it for yourself and not for anyone else. Remind yourself that it will help you in carving a better future of yours. 

Things may seem difficult to sail sometimes but if you have the support and love of yourself, you will do much better than you expect from yourself. 

6. Do not hold grudges; forgive them

Holding grudges against someone is never healthy. And if you hold something against them, then you are not out of the unhealthy relationship yet. 

Bless them for good. Wish goodness for them as you wish for anyone else. Throw away that emotional baggage. 

I understand it isn’t always easy to forgive people but practicing compassion makes it possible. Tap into that reserve of kindness inside you and get rid of any kind of resentment or hurt that you have been harboring.  

Feel free and un-trapped and thank them for teaching you some great lessons. It is only because of them that you are now a little wiser than before. 

7. Learn from this relationship

I am of the firm opinion that no relationship is a waste of time and emotions. Every relationship teaches us something. 

Now it is time to learn from this one. How did you get into this unhealthy relationship? Or when did it become so toxic in nature? What made you stay in this rut for so long? 

Seek answers to these questions. Once you have the answers, learn lessons from them and try your best to apply the learnings in life. 

We are humans. We all make mistakes. But a wise human being is one who learns from his or her mistakes and doesn’t repeat them. 

8. Become emotionally self reliant

Becoming emotionally self-reliant is not only important to break away from such unhealthy and unhappy relationships but it is also crucial to be able to derive happiness from within; to be able to have more meaningful relationships in future. 

Leo Babauta of ZenHabits.net has written a very detailed post on becoming emotionally self reliant. He recommends ways to feel more gratitude in life and being at peace with one self. 

I have noticed immense positive changes in me since the time I changed my outlook towards life and started looking at it more positively and with gratitude. 

When we are emotionally stable and self reliant, we become our biggest source of emotional dependence and thus do not over depend upon others for our emotional needs. This saves us from getting into toxic relationships in future and helps us in cultivating enriching relationships. 

While there is no sure shot rule of living one’s life, the above tried and tested ways have worked well for me in the past. I have gotten rid of many unhealthy and detrimental relationships in the past and I assure you that while it seems difficult in the beginning, with high resolve it all falls in place after sometime

10 Lessons of Life To Learn From ‘Dear Zindagi’

I watched “Dear Zindagi” yesterday and absolutely loved it. Alia Bhatt is what we all were at one time, in our 20s – conflict ridden, chaotic and confused. Shahrukh is what some of us are today – wiser, saner and older. SRK plays a psychiatrist in the movie and gives away some important lessons of life. Here are the lessons that I learnt from “Dear Zindagi”.

1. If we can try out different chairs before buying a new one, why shouldn’t we try out different people before deciding on our life partner?

2. If we take charge of our lives and understand ourselves well, then others’ opinions don’t matter.

3. Parents should leave good memories for their kids.

4. You don’t have to suffer alone.

5. Every broken thing can be repaired.

6. To live a safe life, shed all your fears aside. Do not let your past blackmail your present to ruin your future.

7. Why should we focus on that one special relationship? All relationships are special in their own ways.

8. We all are teachers in the school of life.

9. Only YOU can complete the puzzle of life. Others can help you but you need to complete it.

10. Genius is about knowing when to stop

“He Visited A Prostitute And Now I Don’t Love Him Anymore”

There is nothing called seven year itch” ~ This phrase of yours on the post seven years of togetherness inspired me to write something about my life story. My story goes like this – I married the man who loved me like crazy; six years of knowing each other; friendship blossoming into love – it had all the elements of a perfect, true love story. 

Being in love and getting married to your love is not easy in India.  We both belonged to diametrically opposite castes. There was huge opposition from both the respective families. But he had the courage to keep up with his commitment and married me by going against all odds and despite his family’s reluctance. The respect and love I held for him cannot be explained in words but only experienced. He was the only person I wanted and needed to be with – I was sure of that. He wanted to marry me – he was sure of that. We exchanged vows and two best friends became couple.

The married life began and I felt I was the luckiest woman on this planet. After all, how many people get to be with their soul mates? Even after marriage,we stayed best friends.  We could share our weirdest feelings, thoughts, dreams, and crushes – we could share possibly all human emotions with each other in as easy words as with our own selves. I believed our biggest strength as a couple was the trust we had on each other and our ability to discuss about anything. I was so happy in those years that I felt love all around me. I had unbeatable zest for life which is why I happily managed all household work along with regular hectic office work. I had no complaints with life. My life seemed perfect – in fact I fell more in love with him and with myself. 

But perfection is an impossible thing. He got a strenuous posting. The work pressure and tension started cropping up in his job. I had to take care of house and support my spouse. The traumatic phase continued for long, but with my positive attitude always made my husband laugh and smile at the simple, little pleasures of life. Sundays also became working days but I still didn’t complain. I always stood by his side so that he is able to perform well. 

Things seemed to improve on his work front and we were about to get back to normalcy. To our earlier happy life.

But life had something worse to bring. This man who had loved me like crazy confessed to have visited a prostitute!

When he first confessed, my immediate reaction was – “I have lost respect for you”.

To my amazement he justified his act by mentioning what all his friends and colleagues did while he only slept with one!

None of his justifications made it easier for me. In fact his replies only made it difficult for me to accept what he had done.

I was out of love with him after knowing how easily he had broken my heart and my innocent trust.  

While I was thinking of moving on with him forgiving him for his mistake, I had no idea that there was still lot left to shatter me further.

Accidentally, I snooped into his laptop and that gave me the next blow. After seven years of our marriage and during the time he claimed his work was taking a toll on his life, he got fascinated and besotted by one his colleagues. While he never admits it but I have come to realize that he was so fascinated by this lady that each time she entered the room, he clicked her picture and saved all of them on his phone and laptop. This brought to my notice what he had told me one day, ‘a beautiful girl has joined our office.’ After a while he informed me that the same beautiful girl was leaving his office as she was getting married.

When I saw the photos on his laptop and phone, I asked him about her and he told me that her marriage was called off because of some unknown reasons. When I tried to dig further, he would stop responding and this made me doubt his intentions even more.

It was difficult for me to accept that the man I had known for all these years and the man I had married is no more the same person. He had changed and that too beyond imagination! The guy who would rarely talk to females was seen getting cosy with other women, exchanging flirtatious messages. I had self- doubts whether it was because I trusted him blindly or because I wasn’t cautious enough or maybe the love had gone out of window. Maybe I had become old and the younger are more beautiful.

I am sure I do not love him anymore. Maybe he stopped loving me before I did.

Not all love stories have happy ending.

The chirpy, happy and ever optimistic girl in me is now forever depressed. There are bouts of uncontrollable tears, shrieks and crying under the pillow.

I also realize that probably it is all my mistake too. I had made him the centre of my universe.

I still live with him the way most of the married coupled in India live. We do have never ending arguments and finally we sleep over them without reaching any consensus. We fight and then one of us leaves the room or goes out of the house. We both try to escape each other’s company. I have realized I am happier alone in the house.

Does he repent what he did? No. And sadly and ironically, it hasn’t stopped at this.

He continues to enjoy with women by paying them and still carries the nerve to tell me that he loves me the most.

He was the one who always talked about high morals and idealism. But when it came to monogamy and loyalty in marriage, he could not keep up the commitment. 

I do not need sympathies. It’s a transitory phase of my life but I believe I am a strong individual. I am trying to recuperate by taking care of myself, accepting that I am not loved anymore, keeping myself occupied with little hobbies and charities.

I am trying to increase my self- confidence. The trust is broken and I have to accept that love is not forever. Love also has an expiry date.

He once loved me but now when he meets women and finds them attractive he brings them to our bed room. He has flirted and slept with so many women. I had heard that all men are the same but like a fool in love I believed my man was different. Alas! They were right. All men are the same.

However, I have the resolve to make my life worth living. No more depression phases.

I am getting better at dealing with it and I am sure one day he will regret his actions. Maybe it is wishful thinking but the optimistic girl in me still lives on

As An 8 Yr Old, THIS IS HOW I Fought Against Sexual Abuse

This is how he, the abuser, got the entry to my house. He was 20-22 years old and had rented a room in our house on the terrace and was a student at the university where my father was a professor. He was our distant relative and this made him a regular visitor to our house. I used to call him ‘mama’ – maternal uncle.

 

First time when he caught hold of me was when I was playing hide and seek with my 7 year old brother on the terrace. Innocently he asked if he could join us in our game and more innocently we agreed. After all, in a game of hide and seek, the more the better!

He was playing with us now and then asked my brother to give him two minutes so that he could find a place to hide along with me.

My brother went to the other corner of the terrace and this jerk took me inside the bathroom on the terrace and locked it from inside. I assumed he did so to hide both of us.

Inside the bathroom, he came near me, held me by my shoulders and made me lie down on the floor. When I asked him why, he replied, ‘let us play our own game.’

I didn’t understand at all what he meant by it but I thought maybe it was a part of our game.

He laid on top of me and started kissing and licking me all over my face and lips. I felt weird but this all happened so suddenly that I didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, my brother realized we were in the bathroom and he began banging the door, ‘I have found you two. Come out. I have caught you.’

The jerk opened the door and we came out. Soon he announced that he didn’t want to play any

more. He said, ‘you guys play, I have to work.’

My brother and I came downstairs immediately as it had got dark outside.

I didn’t mention the incident to anyone. Not even to my parents. But I kept feeling disgusted about it. I thought of confiding in my mom but I didn’t because I was scared and I thought my parents wouldn’t let me play after knowing of this incident. Moreover, I thought maybe Mama did it by mistake.

Days passed by and I forgot about that incident. I had come to believe that it all happened as a mistake until it happened once again.

This time he asked my mom for the day’s newspaper. My mom, since she didn’t know of anything that had happened, asked me to go upstairs to give the newspaper to him.

I went upstairs and knocked his door. As soon as he opened it, he dragged me inside and pushed me on his bed. He repeated the same thing again only a little more forcefully and to a step ahead. This time he tried to remove my clothes.

Since he was on top of me, I couldn’t push him away despite my best of efforts. He started touching me all over and kissing me forcefully. I wanted to get away from this situation as fast as

I could but under his body, I couldn’t even move.

Suddenly, my mom called my name and he left me go. I immediately got down and wanted to tell my mom about what had happened but this time also I couldn’t. As soon as I decided to tell her, mom scolded me for being careless and taking time to deliver a newspaper.

The agony inside my heart remained there only. I couldn’t utter a word to mom about it. But this time I had made up my mind – what he did to me wasn’t a mistake by any standard. Mama wasn’t innocent and what I underwent wasn’t pleasant.

Since then I maintained a safe distance from him but still he found me one unfortunate day!

His father had visited us along with few guests. All were having dinner while my brother and I were busy with school projects. It was 9:30 pm and I suddenly realized that I needed a 12 inch scale urgently.

Mom was busy in the kitchen, dad was busy with the guests and it was very dark outside so I knew there wasn’t a way to get the scale from the market.

The abuser somehow learnt of our situation and offered to lend his scale which was there in his room. He asked me to come upstairs to take it and I refused saying, ‘my brother will bring it.’ He replied, ‘you need the scale, so you need to come. I won’t give to him.’

Poor me, I had no option. I went upstairs but decided to not enter his room. He got the scale but noticed that I wasn’t entering his room. Upon seeing my insistence on remaining outside his room, he forcibly pushed me into his room, locked it from inside and threw me on his bed.

I blamed myself for being foolish to come upstairs. I was in tears as I knew this time neither my brother would come knocking on my door and nor m mom will realize that I was trapped here.

I asked him to stop but he wasn’t any less than a monster.

I prayed to God to save me from this torture but nothing seemed to help. Suddenly, I felt his hand under my skirt. As he slid his hand inside my skirt, I looked at him angrily. My eyes were burning with anger. He saw my eyes and tried to kiss me and I SLAPPED HIM.

I vividly remember my emotions and my fury and his expressions at that moment. First he was shocked to see my courage and anger but then he dismissed it as an accident. He thought I had slapped him by mistake. So he held me with a more firm grip and that is when I slapped him again.

I SLAPPED HIM AGAIN AND HARDER this time.

The shameless fellow didn’t stop even then. Not even after being slapped by a 8 year old!

I said, ‘look here’ and he looked towards me. I SLAPPED HIM AGAIN for the third time! He was stunned. He hadn’t imagined it from me.

He asked, ‘will you hit me?’ and I said, ‘Yes, many times if you repeat it.’

I think he had understood it then. He got up. Gave me the scale and let me go. I opened the door, rushed downstairs and went straight to the dining area where everyone was having food.

I was panting and my clothes were lose and hanging on my body. The scale was in my hand.

Looking at me, my dad asked me, ‘what happened beta?’ Daddy thought I had gone to the market running.

I looked at the abuser’s father and said, ‘Mama did it.’ By that time, my so-called mama had also come downstairs.

He looked worried. Mom came out of the kitchen. Dad asked me to go inside. I went straight to my project and drew the necessary lines that I needed the scale for.

I could hear some shouting and loud discussion from behind the closed door. After few minutes, my mom came inside to hug me and check me up. I told her that I was fine and I had slapped him.

She congratulated me on my courage and by then my work was finished so I threw away the scale.

All I now remember is that by the next morning that man was gone, forever!

Today, as I am 21 years old, I feel proud of myself of dealing with it on my own. I wish I had done it the first time it had happened to me. But nevertheless, it is never late to do the right thing.

I am no more timid or shy. I am determined and confident. Also, now I understand why my name means ‘Goddess Durga.’ That night, with that devil, I was no less than a young Goddess Durga.

Note: This story is contributed by a regular reader who chooses to remain anonymous. Please show her your appreciation for the courage and bravery she showed behind the doors at such a tender age.

***********

Thank you Reader for sending me your story. It is indeed a story of courage and inspiration. We, the moms, need to learn a lot from it. I have certainly taken many lessons from it.

From today, I promise, I won’t question my girl. I will encourage her to confide in me naturally.

If she takes more time at some place or with some person, I won’t blame her or call her careless. I will rather patiently hear what she has to say on her own.

I will learn and hone for myself while teaching the power of intuition to my child.

I will not force my young child to be friendly with others. I have come to understand that children have their own intuitive powers as well. My daughter, Pahal, takes her own different times to get close to people. And while I never force her to join a party or dance or mingle with kids, I am NOT GOING TO DO SO even in the future. I will let her open up on her own.

And last but not the least, I WILL BELIEVE MY CHILD.

As parents, it is our utmost duty to place our trust in our kids. Our kids will trust us only when we trust them first. I remember how last night itself I asked Pahal if she did some XYZ thing and she confidently replied, ‘NO’ and I told her that I trust her. I said, ‘Pahal, Mumma trusts you. I always trust you.’ I think I just need to repeat that more often.

Parenting is hard in one way but easy in another. It becomes much easier if we just let it uncover on its own. If we do the basics right – teaching them to trust, asking them to open up, blaming them lesser and lesser and confiding in them more and more – parenting becomes the best joy in life

Without your love, I would die.’

One day a boy and a girl were driving home after watching a movie. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night.

The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed and that it was time to move on.

A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached out to his pocket and passed her a folded note.

At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He severed right into the car killing the boy.

Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note later, she unfolded it and read,

 

‘

4. The Sweeter Apple

A lovely little girl was holding two apples in her hands.

Her mom came in and softly asked her little daughter with a smile, “My sweetie, could you give your mom one of your two apples?”

The girl looked up at her mom for some seconds, then she suddenly took a quick bite on one apple, and then quickly on the other.

The mom felt the smile on her face freeze. She tried hard not to reveal her disappointment.

Then the little girl handed one of her bitten apples to her mom, and said, “Mommy, here you are. This is the sweeter one.

lesson for every son and hope for every father“.

3.  Lesson For Everyone

A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner. Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on  his shirt and trousers. Others diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.

After he finished eating,  his son who was not at all embarrassed, quietly took him  to the wash room, wiped the food particles, removed the stains, combed his hair and fitted  his spectacles firmly.  When they came out,  the entire restaurant was watching them in dead silence, not able to grasp how someone could embarrass themselves publicly like that.

The son settled the bill and started walking out with his father.

At that time, an  old man amongst the diners called out to the son and asked him, “Don’t you think you have left something behind?”.

The son replied, “No sir, I haven’t”.

The old man retorted, “Yes, you have! You left a 

kiss

1. The Hardest Bullets

 

She moved her delicate fingers across his medals clad chest as she bade him goodbye.

Unsure if he would see her again, he planted a kiss on her forehead and turned abruptly towards the door.

No bullets had him hit so hard as much as his daughters tears.

(Source: Jitendra Patil)

2. The Kiss

(Pic Source: here)

Getting late for a meeting, need to run’, he said, as he slung his coat over the shoulder, and bounded out of the house. As he drove away, she came running down the stairs two at a time. ‘Wait, wait’, she said, but he had already left.

Her mouth crumpled like used wrapping paper. ‘He forgot to give me a goodbye kiss’, she whispered in a voice that trembled under the weight of her hurt. She called him, ‘you left without giving me a kiss’, she said accusingly. ‘I am sorry sweetheart’, he said, his voice contrite. ‘It is okay’, she said, trying to be all grown up as she cut the call.

She gulped down her breakfast morosely, wore her shoes, picked up her school bag and started to walk out of the door, her shoulders slumped. As she climbed down the steps, the car glided to a stop outside the house. He got out of the car. She ran to him, her whole face lit up like a Christmas tree.

‘I am sorry I forgot’, he said, as he picked her up and hugged her. She said nothing. Her jaw ached from smiling.

Fifteen years later, no one would remember he was late for a meeting, but a little girl would never ever forget that her father drove all the way back home just to kiss her goodbye