My Love And Life – Love Short Story

“Welcome to world” the first words that i listen when i born, my mother always says that i am the person who did not cry when i born even i get a slap from nurse…(but she don’t know that my life is full of tears further).

I named as “ASHWADHAMA” which means a great warrior as the name specifies in my life i faced a lot of struggles, so many of them surprise by seeing my life style and character, on my childhood  itself i wanted to be live like a legend, so i decided to do what i like, i will not hear anyone’s words, i always depends on myself, i don’t bother   about what will happen tomorrow and what happened yesterday, i always think at this moment i am happy or not, for that i can do anything.

Now you may get an idea about me, i did not turn my head backward until my 12th standard , with my attitude i faced a lot of problems and troubles obviously authorities are anti on me.

I did not change my attitude even i get a very serious threats, so many of them think i am an arrogant and rebellion but whatever is the situation i know i am the one….

I entered into empirical college of engineering as a cse student, on the first day itself i noted to my seniors with my arrogant answers i raised their temper…

Pranit and Harsha two idiots joined with me, i didn’t except that with them my total life will change. Coming to the description of two idiots Pranit little fatty dude who having a lot of sense of  humour. And coming to Harsha, handsome and slightly thin but to innocent and concern more about studies. We started our engineering student life…..

On the very first day when i went to college i fell into the love at first sight i saw a girl wearing a black dress and she was very beautiful and charming, her eyes and smile awesome. Totally  i flat, and i surprised she is my classmate thank god! But on same day i noted to my teachers also with my arrogant attitude.

After college i, Pranit and Harsha sat and started our first experience on very first day in college we became very close in chatting i said i love someone. Pranit felt happy and said he also loving someone he asked her name but i said i don’t know.. he scold me you idiot you don’t know even the name of your lover, ok show me tomorrow i will find it. And he said her lover name was “MOUNICA” and she also our classmate hearing all this Harsha felt afraid he said “don’t divert your minds first study well after that you may get all this” we know about harsha he always afraid about his future and studies. He was a book worm always studies in the room but i and Pranit totally different from him. We always spent our time by chatting or watching films etc..

On the next day Pranit said the name of my girl. She is “SHALINI” and also said she was very rich girl and very difficult to love her. But i didn’t bother what she was, because i loved her, her  smile and eyes always attracts me where she was i followed her. Her voice, totally stunning.

Days become minutes 2 years happen without any disturbance.  But this 2 years does not made any change on me and Pranit, but we found harsha was slightly changing he was coming into our route his attitude was totally changed now he does not that much concern about his studies…

3rd year we know nothing can be kept in secrete in class with my friends Shalini knew that i am loving her, but no change her, but i did not stop my trail whatever free time i get i used it by looking her…

With the days my popularity also increased within the teachers they always tried to send me away from the college but i did not give them chance to took revenge on me, as this is going on i heard a news a girls named “SHRUTHI” loving me. But she is the branch of ece, but i never divert my mind because i deeply fell in love with Shalini, shruthi not a matter for me…

In my 4th year a bad situation happened what i supposed is happen harsha is loving someone, but the worse thing is he lover is none another than mounica, with some of friends i heard that mounica also loving harsha, now what about Pranit?…

Pranit is wordless he did not talking with me and Harsha and he also not eating anything and situation of Pranit is worse on that day i and Harsha went to Pranit and asked what is the matter?

No answer from him, then harsha said that “ see Pranit nothing is important for me than you if the problem is that i am loving mounica, i am not loving her and i don’t want her also please excuse me and be happy and continue i am your friend i am not a iron curtain for your love sorry what ever happen is happen forget it..”

Pranit: no ra, you carry on i will drop..

Harsha: listen Pranit i am not loving her because i am loving Shalini…(he lied…)

(by hearing his words my heart beat raised….)

Pranit: what about you ashwadh?

I: hey guys i kept secret between you,  you know shruthi i am loving her(i know its my time to lie, we lied because we know about Pranit he is too sensitive if he do anything wrong..no the idea is to worse so we lied each other to save my friend)

But a lie changed our entire lives and my situation become very worse in this 3 years of my trail i found that Shalini is showing a some interest on me, and i thought this will be the last year of our academic i decided to propose her because i have a somewhat confidence on me… but situation entirely changed our lives…..

The lie we said spread as a wild fire, it reached to the ears of Shalini that i am loving shruthi and mounica that harsha loving Shalini but what we can do nothing in our hands and the worse things we made is to take a belief in Pranit i started talking with shruthi and as well harsha with Shalini. This made the situation very bad Shalini thought i am really loving shruthi and mounica supposed that harsha leaved her, no one knows what the actual truth was but this type of incidents in the year totally changed ideas over gone and Pranit tried to become close with mounica, harsha encouraged him and one harsha asked me “ashwadh are you really left Shalini i know you sincerely loved her but why you changed your decision is something wrong with you?”

Suddenly tears on my eyes my heart says “ashwadh it’s the time say to harsha that you are loving Shalini only” but i kept silence again my inner voice said “if you say that, harsha will feel very sad, and he sacrificed his love to my friend now with friendship of Shalini he is recovering now if i say the truth harsha will become mad and he don’t know what to do so it’s good to kept quite”

And with arrogant sound i said “lite harsha, you know Shalini is very rich girl for me it is really difficult and i didn’t have little hope on her, shruthi is loving me it is good for me to love the person who loving me instead of which i loving one. So i decided to love shruthi now i am happy shruthi is really nice girl and she likes me very much it’s ok you carry on… i know harsha started loving Shalini”

( first time in my life i don’t know what i am doing? up to now i did not afraid to do what i liked but now the situation is very bad i am compromising myself, and the thing i am getting far to my Shalini really killed me but nothing in my hands, i already lose it. i know i always give importance to my friendship but Shalini….. and my heart says “ashwadh, Shalini is loving you don’t missed her your 4 years of could not be waste  if you leave her you will surely felt sorry by missing her…” . but in my mind another type of thoughts “ashwadh you don’t know that Shalini really loving you are not? Suppose if you reveal that you are loving Shalini, what about your friendship? And if Shalini rejects you then you lose your love as well as friendship now the time comes you to decide what do you want friendship? Are love? )

With this confusion that year completed……

Last day of my college…………….(all friends are talking with each other about their planning about future)

Suddenly Shalini came to me i felt little afraid and my heart beat raised no. Of thoughts are running in my mind…..

Shalini: hi ashwadh!

I: hi Shalini….

Shalini: like a minutes, 4 years passed away it’s unbelievable..

I: yes, i am also in that confusion only.

Shalini: what do you decide to do?

I: not yet decided….you?

Shalini: you are really crazy? I want to do my m-tech…

I: all the best..

Shalini: anything their to say…

I: no, for you?

Shalini: no, but can i ask u something?

I: yes…

Shalini:  whom do you love?

I: (my heart beat raised.. i never expected such a question from her, what should i say? I thought deeply what ever happen will happen with a lot of struggle with myself i said..) shruthi..

Shalini: ho nice, ( i fund little in convince in her eyes) i need to go all the best…..

I: take care…..

(She went. Tears coming from my eyes……………….)

And harsha met Shalini….

Harsha: Shalini i want to say you something…

Shalini: ya, harsha say it..

Harsha:  I LOVE YOU..

Shalini: sorry harsha i never expected this from you, you are my friend!

And Pranit met mounica….

Pranit:  i want to say you something…

Mounica: ya, Pranit say it..

Pranit:  I LOVE YOU..

Mounica: sorry Pranit i never expected this from you, you are my friend!

And i met shruthi…

I: well shruthi have a great life…

Shruthi: ashwadh say one thing are you really loving me?

(i explained her whole story, sorry that’s why i am with you but i am still happy with you because i like your character and attitude what  is happen is happen don’t kept anything into you mind)

Shruthi: it’s ok all the best, you are my friend!

I: future is in your hands make it beautiful miss you….

__END__

WHO AM I

I am sharing here who am I? I think,

I am 28 years old and I have more responsibility but what can do? nothing. Nothing means not to do anything too useful. Same time I do not have any friends and relatives to give support and career ieda. So I decide my life to my wish that bad one is that not useful to anyone. I have a major problem that is am I forgot easily important think some time forget who am I? I had experience in teaching, Marketing, Accountancy, and Recruitment but I am not fit anything and important one am complete in Master degree(MBA) to days collar. I have experience in lot field and take a lot of advice that advise base am I change my profession. So what am I get a still suggestion to my Manager otherwise nothing to change. What they normally said “you are good person, you have better future but it does not suit you, find better one”

Nowadays I am not like choice because of its make too more difficult to my life. “If no choice in life, it’s beautiful ” but what happens I have more choice and choice correctly wrong one. When am I realize its wrong that time am I already lost other option? So my life always more confused that reason is I am only. Because “I easily believe in other and adopt their suggestion also”My life decision maximum take other”.

Recently one person said you have writing skill. So I am ready to writing, but which topic can I write? I do not have any idea about writing. So last few days search website and try to know about writing. So I have understood one thing if am writing its required least English knowledge. But I do not have sound knowledge in English but I have more sound in confident. So I start my writing and think which topic can start with my writing? finally, I decided to write to my self.So it’s my article now.

অপমৃত্যু

ল’ৰাজনক মই প্রায়েই দেখি থাকোঁ। শনিবাৰে সন্ধিয়া এনেই থাকিলে ঘাটলৈ ফুৰিবলৈ যাওঁ। তাতেই দেখোঁ তাক। সিও চাগে মোৰ দৰেই ফুৰিবলৈ আহে ঘাটলৈ। গল্প-কবিতাত জালুকবাৰীৰ কৃষ্ণচুড়াৰ কথা পঢ়িছোঁ। গুৱাহাটী বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ৰ ছাত্র-ছাত্রীৰ বাবে সেই কৃষ্ণচুড়াবোৰৰ মূল্য যিমান, আমাৰ বাবেও গংগাৰ ঘাটবোৰৰ মূল্য সিমান। গল্প, কবিতা, ছবি আদি সকলোতেই প্রাণ ঢালি দিয়ে বাৰাণসীৰ ঘাটবোৰে।

 

গধুলি আৰতিৰ সময়। ঘাটবোৰে সেই সময়ত এক নতুন ৰূপ পায়। থলুৱা লোক, দেশী-বিদেশী পর্যটক আদিৰে ঠাহ খাই পৰে গংগাৰ পাৰ। মই দূৰত বহি উপভোগ কৰোঁ মানুহে আৰতি উপভোগ কৰা দৃশ্য। উপভোগৰ উপভোগ। ফ্রয়ডে ইয়াৰ কোনো কাৰণ বিৱৰণ কৰিছেনে নাই মই নাজানোঁ। আচলতে মই ফ্রয়ডৰ কোনো কিতাপ পঢ়িয়েই পোৱা নাই। এবাৰ বিদ্যালয় পুথিভঁৰালৰ পৰা লৈছিলোঁ এখন পুথি। প্রথম পৃষ্ঠাটো পঢ়ি পুনৰ ৰেকত পূর্বতে থকা ধৰণেই সজাই থৈ দিলোঁ। তাৰপিছত হোষ্টেলৰ ৰূমত এদিন, দ্বিতীয় তথা শেষবাৰৰ বাবে। যাহওক, সেই বিষয়ে মই মূৰ নঘমাওঁ। সেই ল’ৰাজনেও হয়তো ফ্রয়ড পঢ়া নাই। অথবা সি হয়তো ফ্রয়ডৰ নামেই শুনা নাই, কি ঠিক!

 

দুজন অচিনাকী মানুহে প্রায়েই লগ পাই থাকিলে –আৰু তেওঁলোকৰ মাজত কোনো শত্রুতাৰ কাৰণ নাথাকিলে- সাধাৰণতে হাঁহিৰ আদান-প্রদান হয়। এয়াও হয়তো ফ্রয়ডে কেতিয়াও ক’তো লিখা নাই, লিখিলেও অন্ততঃ মই পঢ়া নাই, পিছে এয়া সকলোৱে জনা কথা। মানুহ দুজন বিপৰীত লিংগৰ হ’লে হয়তো বেছি সময় লাগে আৰু একেই লিংগৰ হ’লে কম সময় লাগে, পিছে অৱশেষত কথাটো ফলিয়ায়গৈ। সিও মোৰ পিনে এনেদৰেই চাই হাঁহিছিল। মই আগে আগে হঁহা নাছিলোঁ, অচিনাকী মানুহৰ লগত মই সাধাৰণতে আগে আগে পৰিচয় নহওঁ। অচিনাকী মানুহজন এগৰাকী ধুনীয়া ছোৱালী হ’লে অৱশ্যে বেলেগ কথা আছিল, আগতে হ’লে মাতিলোঁহেতেন, পিছে প্রণামীয়ে ভেম দেখোৱাৰ দিন ধৰি সেই স্বভাৱৰ সলনি হৈছিল। গতিকে মই আগে আগে হঁহাৰ কোনো কাৰণ নাছিল। পিছে সি হঁহা বাবে মইও ওলোটাই হাঁহিলোঁ। বছ, সেইখিনিয়েই। তাৰ পিছৰ শনিবাৰে বহিবলৈ বেলেগ ঠাই বিচাৰি নাপাই তাৰ ওচৰতেই বহিলোঁ। সি হাঁহি অভিবাদন জনালে। মইও হাঁহি প্রত্যুত্তৰ দিলোঁ।

 

“তুমি ফ্রয়ড পঢ়িছা?” সি থতমত খালে। সি হয়তো ভাবিছিল মোৰ প্রথম প্রশ্ন হ’ব তাৰ নাম অথবা ক’ত পঢ়ে। এনে প্রথম প্রশ্ন হয়তো তাক আজিলৈ কোনেও সোধা নাই। বেচেৰাৰ দোষ নাই, আচৰিত হ’বই, আনকি মোকো আজিলৈ এনে প্রথম প্রশ্ন সুধি পোৱা নাই। “নাই – নাই পঢ়া- কিয় সুধিলা?” হতভম্বৰ দৰে সি উত্তৰ দিলে।

 

“নাই, এনেই সুধিলোঁ। অলপ আগতে দুটি পৃষ্ঠা পঢ়ি আহিছোঁ। কি যে ব’ৰ কিতাপ। হাঃহাঃ। তুমি নপঢ়িবা কিন্তু।” মিছা মাতিব লগা হ’ল। নহলে মোক হয়তো সি পাগল বুলি ভাবিলেহেঁতেন। সি মিচিকিয়াই হাঁহি মূৰ দুপিয়ালে। মই সুধিলোঁ, “ক’ত পঢ়া?”

“কাশী হিন্দু বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ত। দৃশ্যকলা বিভাগ। তুমি?”

“আই আই টি। মৃতকাশিল্প অভিযান্ত্রিকী বিভাগ।”

সি হাঁহিলে, “ভাল অনুবাদ কৰি কৈছা দেই।”

“ছিনিয়ৰে ৰেগিঙত সোধে। বিশুদ্ধ হিন্দীত ক’ব লাগে। গতিকে অভ্যাস হৈ গ’ল। বাৰু, তোমাৰ আচল ঘৰ ক’ত?”

“অসমত।”

“কি কোৱা! মইও অসমৰ হয়।” মই হায়ৰাণ হৈ পৰোঁ। “অসমৰ ক’ত?”

“মাজুলীত। তোমাৰ?”

“মোৰ? গুৱাহাটীত।” চমু উত্তৰ দিওঁ। “বাহ, ভাল লাগিল দেই অসমৰ ল’ৰা লগ পাই। ইমান দিনে গমেই পোৱা নাছিলোঁ। কমেও চাৰি-পাঁচ দিন দেখিছোঁ তোমাক। ধেৎতেৰি।”

সি পুনৰ মিচিকিয়াই হাঁহিলে, “চাৰি-পাঁচতকৈ বেছি হ’ব চাগে।”

“হয় চাগে। পিছে ইয়ালৈ ফুৰিবলৈকে আহা নে? এয়া কি বাৰু লগত? তুমি অঁকা ছবি? দেখুওৱাচোন। মইও ছবি আকোঁ মাজে মাজে। পিছে আজিকালি কমাইছোঁ। একো গঠনাত্মক কাম মূৰত নাহে, জানানে। মাজে মাজে দুই এটা কবিতা এতিয়াও লিখোঁ অৱশ্যে। পিছে ভাল নহয়।”

“এহ, কিয়নো তেনেকে কোৱা। তুমিচোন প্রায়েই কাগজ-কলম লৈহে ঘাটত বহা। ভাল ভাল। নহ’লে আজিকালি ইঞ্জিনীয়াৰিং পঢ়া ল’ৰাবোৰেচোন একোৱেই নকৰে। এয়া চোৱা, যোৱা দুদিনত আঁকিছোঁ এইখন। এতিয়া তুমি দেখোৱা তোমাৰ কবিতা।”

“হেঃহেঃ। লগত নাই হে। থাকিলে দেখুৱালোঁহেতেন। বঢ়িয়া আঁকিছা পিছে। মোকো কেতিয়াবা পানী ৰং শিকাবাচোন। মই স্কেচিং হে ভালকে কৰোঁ, পানী ৰং নোৱাৰোঁৱেই জানা ভালকে।”

“ঠিক আছে বাৰু। শিকাম কেতিয়াবা। আজিলৈ যাওঁ দিয়া। আজি অলপ সোনকালে আহিছিলোঁ। ৰূমত অলপ কাম আছে। লগ পাই ভাল লাগিল। লগ পাই থাকিম। বাই দা ৱে, এটা কথা কওঁ হা, মইও সৰুতে ফ্রয়ড পঢ়িব চেষ্টা কৰিছিলোঁ, দুখিলামান পঢ়ি বন্ধ কৰি থৈছিলোঁ। গুডনাইট।”

 

মই মুখ মেলি সি যোৱালৈ চাই থাকিলোঁ।

 

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ৰাতি হোষ্টেল গৈ পাই মোৰ পুৰণি ছবিবোৰ উলিয়াই ল’লোঁ। বাৰাণসী নতুনকে আহিয়েই যেতিয়া প্রথমবাৰ ঘাটলৈ গৈছিলোঁ, অস্সীঘাটত অকলে বহি থকা ল’ৰা এজনৰ ছবি আঁকিছিলোঁ। বাৰাণসীত অঁকা সেয়াই মোৰ প্রথম আৰু শেষ ছবি। প্রণামীৰ মৃত্যুৰ পিছত নিজকে অকলশৰীয়া অনুভৱ হৈছিল। মা সৰুতেই ঢুকুৱাৰ পিছত তায়েই মোক মমতা দেখুৱাইছিল। আনকি বন্ধুবর্গইও কেতিয়াবা হাঁহিছিল একেবাৰে মা-সমান প্রেমিকা পোৱা বুলি। আৰু তাইও অৱশেষত মোক এৰি অজান দেশলৈ গুচি গৈছিল।

ৰকষ্টাৰত ৰণবীৰ কাপুৰক খতাৰা ভায়ে কৈছিল, “ডাঙৰ ডাঙৰ গায়কবোৰৰ মাজত কি মিল জান? তেওঁলোক সকলোৰে হৃদয় এবাৰ হ’লেও ভাঙিছিল। ভগ্ন হৃদয়েৰেহে সংগীত ওলায়।” ক’তা, মোৰ দেখোন সকলো গঠনমূলক কাম হৃদয় ভঙাৰ পিছত বন্ধহে হৈছিল। কেতিয়াবা হয়তো ওলাইছিল কবিতাৰ দুই-এটা টুকুৰা, বছ, সেয়াই। অপমৃত্যু ঘটিছিল মোৰ ভিতৰত থকা শিল্পীজনৰ। এই যে ঘাটত অকলে বহি থকা ছবিখন, কাক আঁকিছিলোঁ বাৰু? নিজকে নেকি? হয় চাগে। মনতেই নাই। যোৱা এবছৰ কি কৰিছোঁ একোৱেই মনত নাই। সেয়া যে ময়েই হয়, তাৰ বাৰু সম্ভাৱনা কিমান? সেয়া হয়তো গণিতৰ সহায়ত উলিয়াব নোৱাৰি, কাৰণ সেই ল’ৰাজনতো মই কল্পনাৰেহে আঁকিছিলোঁ। কল্পনাত সম্ভাৱিতা সূত্র প্রযোজ্য হয় জানোঁ? ইমান বছৰে গণিত পঢ়িলোঁ, তেনে কিবা পঢ়াতো মনত নপৰে।

 

বাৰেবাংকৰা কথা ভাবি লাভ নাই। ছবিখন উলিয়াই আনি ফটাকানিৰে মচি ল’লোঁ। বহুত ধুলি পৰিছে। কেইমাহ হ’ল বাৰু? দহ মান বাৰ দিন। ঘড়ীটোলৈ চালোঁ। বাৰ বাজি গৈছে। দহ মান তেৰ দিন। মাহৰ শেষ। টকাৰ নাটনি। দেউতাই টকা পঠিয়াবলৈ আৰু দুদিন আছে। মেচৰ খানা খাব নোৱাৰি। শনিবাৰে ৰাতি এনেও মেচ বন্ধ থাকে। বাহিৰতেই খাব লাগে। অস্সীঘাটৰ আশে-পাশে বহুত সস্তা হোটেল আছে। তাৰেই এখনত খাওঁ। আজি খাবও পাহৰি থাকিলোঁ। কাৰেণ্ট নাছিল বাবে লৰালৰিকৈ হোষ্টেল আহিলোঁ। বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় তথা আই আই টিৰ কেম্পাচত সাধাৰণতে বিজুলী সৰবৰাহ ব্যাহত নহয়। কিন্তু কেম্পাচৰ বাহিৰ ওলাবই নোৱাৰি। একেবাৰে অসমৰ দৰে অৱস্থা। গৰমৰ দিনত বাৰ-চৈধ্য ঘণ্টা বিজুলী নাথাকে। গতিকে সকলো ছাত্রইও কেম্পাচৰ ভিতৰত থকাই জ্ঞানীৰ কাম বুলি বিবেচনা কৰে। তেনে এক আন্ধাৰ ৰাতিয়েই ফ্রয়ডৰ শৰণাপন্ন হৈছিলোঁ। দ্বিতীয় তথা শেষবাৰৰ বাবে। ফ্রয়ডৰ কিতাপ কিনি সাঁচতীয়া পইচা খৰচ কৰিব পৰা সাধ্য নাই। ই-কিতাপ ডাউনলোড কৰিছিলোঁ, তাকো বিনামূল্যে। হোষ্টেলত থকা বিনামূলীয়া ইণ্টাৰনেট সেৱালৈ ধন্যবাদ।

 

ছবিখন টেবুলৰ কাষত থৈ কম্পিউটাৰটো খুলিলোঁ। ই-কিতাপৰ ফোল্ডাৰ খুলি ফ্রয়ড উলিয়াই ল’লোঁ। তৃতীয়বাৰ।

 

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পিছৰ শনিবাৰ। ঘাটলৈ যাওঁতে ছবিখন লৈ গ’লোঁ ল’ৰাজনক দেখুৱাবলৈ। মানে এনেই লৈ গ’লোঁ, ল’ৰাজনক আজিও লগ পালে দেখুৱাম। চিনাকী মুখ এখনে হাত জোকাৰিলে। মই হাঁহি মাৰি অভিবাদন জনালোঁ। ওচৰত গৈ বহিলোঁ। তাৰ চকু মোৰ পেকেটটোত। মই তাৰ উৎসুকতা ভাঙি ক’লোঁ, “ঘাটৰ ছবি এখন আঁকিছিলোঁ বহুদিন আগতে। তোমাক দেখুৱাবলৈ আনিলোঁ।”

“বাহ। দেখুওৱা সোনকালে। বাকী কথা পিছত।” সৰু ল’ৰাৰ দৰে উৎসুকতাৰে সি ক’লে।

 

মই ছবিখন উলিয়াই দেখুৱালোঁ। অনাদৰে পৰি থকা দহমহীয়া পুৰণি ছবি। অলপ ৰং গৈছে। পোকেই খালে নে কি হ’ল ধৰিবকে নোৱাৰিলোঁ। মনৰ ভিতৰত পোক ঘূৰি থকা অৱস্থাত বেলেগ পোকলৈনো ধ্যান যাবনে! তাৰ মুখলৈ চালোঁ। সি ছবিৰ তলৰপিনে থকা মোৰ চহীটোৰপিনে একেথৰে চাই আছে।

“তোমাৰ নাম নিবিড় তেনেহ’লে? বাহ, বঢ়িয়া নাম।” চেঁচা পৰা মাতেৰে সি ক’লে। মই মাতৰ পৰিৱর্তনত বিশেষ গুৰুত্ব নিদি প্রশ্নৰ উত্তৰ দিয়াত লাগিলোঁ। “হয়, ধন্যবাদ। সেইদিনা আমি এজনেও নাম সুধিব পাহৰিলোঁ। আচৰিত, নহয়নে? তোমাৰ নাম কি পিছে?”

“এহ, নামনো কি! আজি আছে, কাইলৈ শপতনামা দি সলনি কৰি ল’ম। চেহেৰাৰ ক্ষেত্রতো একেই কথা, নহয়নে নিবিড়? বুঢ়া হ’লেই চাল শোতোৰা-শোতোৰ হ’ব। আচল কথা হ’ল মগজু আৰু চিন্তা। এয়া চোৱাচোন, বিশ্বনাথ মন্দিৰৰ পিছফালে তুমি ইমান মুকলি আকাশ কিয় আঁকিছা? তাতোকৈ ডাঙৰ প্রশ্ন, তুমি ঘাটকেই কিয় আঁকিলা। অসমৰ কবিয়ে জালুকবাৰীৰ কৃষ্ণচূড়াৰ প্রেমত পৰাৰ দৰেই আমি এই ঘাটৰ প্রেমত পৰোঁ, নহয়নে? তুমি কেতিয়াবা এই কথা ভাবি চাইছানে? নিশ্চয় চাইছা। ফ্রয়ডে হয়তো এই কথাৰ কোনো কাৰণ দর্শোৱা নাই, পিছে ই যে ধ্রুৱসত্য। গংগাৰ পাৰৰ সন্ধিয়াৰ আৰতিৰ প্রেমত যে সকলোৱেই পৰে।…”

 

সি কৈ গ’ল। মই শুনি গ’লোঁ। মই মূর্খ নহয়। তাৰ নাম সোধোঁতে যে সি যে প্রশ্নটোৰপৰা ফালৰি কাটি গ’ল সেয়া ভালদৰেই মন কৰিলোঁ। পিছে ভালেখিনি মিঠা কথা ক’ব পাৰে ল’ৰাজনে। ভাল লাগি গ’ল ল’ৰাজনক। অচিনাকীৰ লগত কেতিয়াবা আপোন আপোন ভাৱ অনুভৱ হয়। ‘বিফোৰ চানৰাইজ’ (Before Sunrise) ছবিখনলৈ মনত পৰিল। এজন অচিন ল’ৰা আৰু অচিন ছোৱালীয়ে ট্রেইনত লগ পাই কিদৰে কথা পাতিছিল আৰু চাওঁতে চাওঁতে সন্ধিয়ালৈ তেওঁলোক দুজন প্রেমত পৰিছিল অতি সুন্দৰভাৱে দেখুওৱা হৈছে। আন্তঃৰাষ্ট্রীয় চলচিত্র ডাটাবেছত ১০০ শতাংশত ধনাত্মক সমালোচনা লাভ কৰা অতি বিৰল ছবিবোৰৰ এখন হ’ল এই ছবিখন। মাথোঁ পার্থক্য আছিল যে তাত দুজন বিপৰীত লিংগৰ মানুহে এনেদৰে কথা পাতিছিল আৰু আমি ইয়াত দুজন ল’ৰাই এনেদৰে কথা পাতি আছোঁ।

 

“বিফোৰ চানৰাইজ ছবিখন চাইছা?” হঠাতে তাক সুধিলোঁ।

তিনি চেকেণ্ডমান সি মোৰ মুখলৈ চাই ৰ’ল। “চাইছোঁ। সুন্দৰ ছবি।” তাৰ চমু উত্তৰ।

মই আৰতিলৈ চাই ৰ’লোঁ। মনোমোহা দৃশ্য। মোৰ ওচৰত বহি আছে মাজুলীৰ ল’ৰা। তাতেও সন্ধিয়া নাম-কীর্তন, ধূপ-ধূনাৰ পৰিৱেশতেই ডাঙৰ হৈছে চাগে। “তুমি মাজুলী গৈ পাইছা?” মোৰ চিন্তাত যতি পেলাই তথা মোক আচৰিত কৰি সি মোক হঠাতে সুধি পেলালে।

“নাই পোৱা। যোৱাবেলি যাম বুলি ভাবিছিলোঁ, বানে সকলো পৰিকল্পনা নষ্ট কৰি পেলালে।” মই মৃদু হাঁহি মাৰি ক’লোঁ।

“যোৱাবেলিৰ বানে আমাৰ ঘৰটোও নষ্ট কৰি পেলালে।” নির্বিকাৰভাবে উত্তৰ আহিল। এইবাৰ মোৰ মুখ মেলাৰ পাল।

“অ’হ, আই এম ছ’ ছ’ৰি। এতিয়া পিছে?”

“বৰপিতাইৰ ঘৰত থিতাপি। আজি পিতাইৰ কল পালোঁ, সাহায্যৰ নামত দুটিমান টকা পালেও ঘৰ বান্ধিবলৈ ঠাই নাই। ইপিনে মুখেৰে নক’লেও খঙো উঠে দিয়াচোন বৰপিতাইৰ ঘৰৰ মানুহৰ। লাগ বুলিলেও কিমান দিননো এনেকৈ লোকৰ ঘৰত থাকিম। কেতিয়াবা দেউতাই কটু কথা শুনে ঘৰৰ মানুহৰপৰা। মোৰ পঢ়া-শুনাত ইমান খৰচ নকৰিলে এতিয়ালৈ ভাল ঠাইত মাটি এডোখৰেই ল’ব পাৰিলেহেঁতেন। ইপিনে মই ল’লোঁহি দৃশ্যকলা। মানুহে হাঁহে। তোমালোকৰেই ভাল। আই আই টিয়ান বুলি সকলোৱেই মূৰ তুলি চায়।”

তাৰ কথা শেষ হ’লনে নাই নাজানোঁ, কাৰণ মোৰ হাঁহিটোৱে তাৰ কথাত বাধাৰ সৃষ্টি কৰিলে। সি ভেবা লাগি চালে। চকুত চাগে কিছু ক্রোধ, ধৰিব পৰা নাই, চশমাযোৰ খুলি থোৱা আছে।

“তুমি হাঁহিলা যে?”

“নিজৰ বাহিৰে বাকী সকলোৰে জীৱন সুখৰ বুলি ভবাৰ প্রৱণতা সকলোৰে আছে। নাজানোঁ ফ্রয়ডে এই কথা লিখিছে নে নাই, পিছে তুমিও জানা মইও জানোঁ এইটো সঁচা বুলি। বন্ধু, আজি অনুভৱ কৰাই দিলা যে তোমাৰ দুখ মোৰ দুখতকৈ বহু বেছি, পিছে ইয়াৰ মানে এইটো নহয় যে মোৰ জীৱনত দুখ নাই। মানুহে মূৰ তুলি চোৱাই সকলো নহয়। চাকৰি-বাকৰিকে ধৰি হাজাৰটা চিন্তাই মূৰ খাই থাকে। ব্যক্তিগত জীৱনৰ সমস্যাৰ কথা নকলোঁৱেইবা। মাজে মাজে মৰি যাওঁ মৰি যাওঁ যেন লাগে। কিন্তু নমৰোঁ। জীৱনক ভাল পাওঁ। নোৱাৰোঁ মৰিব।”

“সকলোৰে এটা নহয় এটা সময়ত এনে উপলব্ধি হয়, বন্ধু। মোৰো কেতিয়াবা একেই অনুভৱ হয়। পিছে মোৰ ঠিক নাই। শিল্পী মানুহ। ইম’চনেল হয়। তদুপৰি, মৃত্যুওতো এটা শিল্প, জীৱনৰ কঠিন শিলত কটা নির্লোভ ভাস্কর্য। মৰি যাবও পাৰোঁ। হেঃহেঃ।”

“ধেৎ কি আবোল-তাবোল বকিছা হে? নাপায় নাপায়। তোমাৰ শিল্পী মনটো কেতিয়াও মৰহি যাব নিদিবা। সযতনে ৰাখিবা এই সৃষ্টিশীল মনটো।”

“তোমাৰ নিজৰ ক্ষেত্রত একেষাৰ কথা প্রযোজ্য নে? নে তুমি এতিয়াও কলাৰ সাধনা কৰা? তুমি তোমাৰ শিল্পী মনটোক জীয়াই ৰাখিছানে? মনত ৰাখিবা, উপদেশতকৈ আর্হি ভাল।”

মই হতভম্ব হ’লোঁ। “তুমি কেনেকৈ জানিলা মই কলাৰ সাধনা এৰি দিয়া বুলি?”

“যিজন ল’ৰাই ইমান সুন্দৰ পুৰণি ছবি এখন দেখুৱাবলৈ আনে, তাৰ অর্থ এয়াই যে সি বর্তমান দেখুৱাব পৰাকৈ কোনো কলাৰ সাধনা কৰা নাই। ভুল কৈছোঁ নেকি?” তাৰ মুখত মৃদু হাঁহি।

 

“ঠিকেই কৈছা বন্ধু। প্রকৃততে শিল্পী নিবিড়ৰ কেতিয়াবাই মৃত্যু ঘটিছে। এই যে নাটকীয় ডাইলগবোৰ শুনি আছা, সেয়া পুৰণি চেণ্টিমেণ্টৰ বহিঃপ্রকাশহে মাথোন। মনৰ ভিতৰত বহু কথাই খিচিৰি হৈ আছিল। শিল্পী এজনেহে এজন শিল্পীক বুজিব পাৰে। সেয়েহে আজি এই বহিঃপ্রকাশ ঘটিল। মোৰ শিল্পী মনৰ এই অপমৃত্যুৰ বাবে দায়ী আন কোনো নহয়, মই নিজেই। ইয়াক পুনৰ জীয়াই তুলিবলৈ চেষ্টা কৰিছিলোঁ। পিছে সমাজে নিদিলে। অভিযন্তা হোৱা, চাকৰি কৰা, পইচা উপার্জন কৰা, এইবোৰেই সমাজৰ চকুত উচ্চ কাম। তাৰ তলত কিদৰে শিল্পী মন এটা উশাহ নাপাই মৰিব ওলাইছে তাৰ প্রতি কোনেও ধ্যান নিদিলে। যোৱা চেমেষ্টাৰত দুটা বিষয়ত ফে’ল কৰিলোঁ। তাকেই লৈ দেউতাৰ লগত কাজিয়া। কয়, ছবি আঁকি, গল্প-কবিতা লিখি ল’ৰাটো ধ্বংস হ’লোঁ হেনো। ইমান টকা হেনো এনেই পানীত পেলালোঁ। কি যে জঞ্জাল, জানা।”

 

ল’ৰাজনে মিচিকিয়াই হাঁহিলে, “মোকতো ইয়াতেই নামভর্তি কৰালে। উপায় নাছিল পিতাৰ। বেলেগ একো বিষয়ত যে মন-কাণ নাই। এতিয়া বানৰ পিছত কপাল ভুকুৱাইছে। মই ভ্রুক্ষেপ নকৰোঁ। জীয়াই আছোঁ, যিমান পাৰোঁ জীয়াই ৰাখিম এই শিল্পী মনটো। অ’হ, দেৰিয়েই হ’ল। মই উঠোঁ দিয়া। অলপ জৰুৰী কাম আছে।”

 

“হে’ৰা ৰ’বাচোন, তোমাৰ নামটোতো কৈ যোৱা।” মই অস্থিৰভাৱে কৈ উঠিলোঁ।

সি পুনৰ হাঁহিলে। লাহেকৈ ক’লে, “অহাবেলি ক’ম দিয়া।”

 

* * *

 

পিছদিনাৰ কাকতৰ বাৰাণসী পৰিপূৰিকাখনৰ দ্বিতীয় পৃষ্ঠাত সৰুকৈ বাতৰি এটা চপা হৈছিল, “উদীয়মান শিল্পী নিবিড় কাকতিৰ আত্মহত্যা”। লৰালৰিকৈ বিতং বাতৰি পঢ়িলোঁ। মাজুলীৰ ল’ৰা তথা দৃশ্যকলা বিভাগৰ ছাত্র নিবিড় কাকতিয়ে হেনো যোৱা ডেৰবছৰ ধৰি ভুগি থকা মানসিক অশান্তিৰ বাবে আত্মহত্যা কৰিলে। চুইচাইড নোটৰ ঠাইত মেজৰপৰা উদ্ধাৰ হয় এখন ছবি; ল’ৰা এজন ঘাট এটাত অকলশৰে বহি থকা ছবি।

 

কটা নিধক। মোৰ ভিতৰত থকা শিল্পী নিবিড়ৰতো কেতিয়াবাই মৃত্যু ঘটিছিল, আজি সি নিবিড় নামৰ শিল্পী এজনৰ অফিচিয়েলি মৃত্যু ঘটাই দিলে।

 

মই ঢেকঢেকাই হাঁহি দিলোঁ।

 

(গলপটো ২৯ মার্চ সংখ্যা ‘সাদিন’ত প্রকাশিত।)

shadow

“Good morning sir. May I come in?” Nisha asked.

I looked up from the table. She was standing at the door. She looked marvellous with the red top and grey short-skirt. Red lipstick was shining on her milky white face. A smile always comes to my mind whenever I see her.

“Good morning, Nisha. Come in.” I said, smiling at her.

She came in and sat in front of me. I rang the bell. Dinesh came in. I asked him to bring a cup of cappuccino. I turned to Nisha and asked, “So, what are my appointments today?”

“You will study the weekly report now. At 11, you have an appointment with Dr. Kumar of Kumar & Sons. He sent us a proposal for the distribution of our robotics products, if you remember, sir. At 12, you have a meeting with the general manager of operations. After lunch, at 2, you will attend a video conference with Dr. Michael Tame regarding the improvements of the emotion software for robots. At 3, you will take me to my monthly check-up. That’s all for the day, sir.” She said without stopping. I couldn’t help smiling.

“Oh I forgot about your check-up. Surely we will go for it. How are you, by the way?” I asked her. Dinesh came in with a cup of cappuccino and left after serving me. I looked at Nisha. “What do you mean by how I am, sir? I am a robot and we still are working on our human emotion software. So, I guess till then I’ll have to answer you that I am doing fine.” She said.

“Hmm…” I said with a thoughtful expression, “Would you mind if I ask you something? Are you….” Nisha interrupted me, “Sorry sir, but again you’re asking whether I’ll mind when I haven’t installed the emotion software.”

“Okay, I meant… Uhm… Are your programs telling you that installing an emotion software will help you in your work?” “I don’t know sir. The program has denied to take any guess but has decided to wait for the installation.” “Okay, you may go now.” I said. Nisha stood up from the chair, bowed and left the room.

I manage the Patil Group, which makes robots that help us in our day-to-day lives. We make specialized robots for every household work, from cook robot to automatic washing machines with robotic pad, from gatekeeper to helper robot; though I didn’t allow the company to make multitasking robot so as to increase the profit of my company by selling more robots. I have the patent of such automatic robots, so I don’t even face much competition from other companies. So, many companies come to me for distribution of my robots and for permission of making autonomous robots under my licence. The meeting with Dr. Kumar was such a meeting. After that, I met the general manager of operations. He gave me the report of all the robot workers in my factory. He also told me that the testing of the human emotion software will start from today and asked me whether I would like it to test on Nisha first. I readily agreed.

After the meetings were over, Nisha came to me. We went to the VIR (very important robot) room. It is just like a VIP lounge for human. Dr. Giri, chief scientist of the lab, entered and wished us. We talked and then he and Nisha entered the chamber. He put her inside a machine and pushed the button. My excitement was growing. After 10 minutes, which seemed like an hour to me, they came out of the chamber. I hurriedly went to Dr. Giri and asked him how it went.

“It went well, Dr. Patil, don’t worry.” He said. I went out of the room with Nisha. After the final reviews of the day, I closed my office and came out. My limousine was waiting for me. Nitin, my driver robot, opened the door. I sat on the backseat. Nisha sat on the front one. Nitin drove my car to my villa. Paresh, my homeguard robot opened the gate with the switch. We entered my mansion. Prithvi, my helper robot at home took out the coat from me and gave me a towel. Sheela, the maid robot, went to make juice for me. I went for a shower, had juice along with sandwich and went to the entertainment room. The autonomous robot, whom I did not name like the others as it doesn’t have a human body, came forward and asked me with his mechanical voice what I want. I asked him to switch on the TV and connect to any English news channel.

I didn’t have much work to do at home. Being only 27 and a bachelor, I spent my time at home mostly watching TV, thinking about renovations of robots, about my business policies and chatting either with my bots or with people on the internet. I didn’t have any friends as I thought that people might become my friends only because of my money. I don’t know from where I got such thoughts. Nor I dated any girl as I wasn’t impressed by anyone.

The news that my company is going to test an emotion software on robots was being shown and so-called experts were chattering about it in a discussion for and against this step by us. Some critics said that I am helping in unemployment of today’s generation by creating helper robots and some said that I am helping the world by creating more workers, that too at low maintenance and no food but only renewable energy. I was familiar with all such criticisms till now. I didn’t give much important and asked my robot to switch to an entertainment channel.

After that, I took some tests of Nisha. She looked better and fresh. She was smiling sweetly. Perhaps she started understanding what smiling is. She looked sweeter in her night gown. Her beautiful eyes, designed by me after years of experience in painting, were shining. I was cheerful at another success of my company. I allowed her to leave. After some time, suddenly Nisha came in holding a paper.

“What is it, Nisha?” I asked.

“It has come from the ministry of defence. They have wished you for the new software hoping that you will contribute more to the country’s defence. And this one is from Prime Minister’s office. They too have wished you. I chose these two amongst number of wishes in fax and thought I should deliver these to you.” She said. Her important document selection program was working well. It was another program written by me. My robots could choose which documents are important among many similar documents. I thanked her and took the letters in hand. In the fax from Ministry of Defence, they thanked me for making auto decisive army, navy and air force robots for India. Of course it was a secret project we had to undertake, as I could have been the aim of other nations as well as militant organizations had the news been on air. My secret robot bodyguards helped me a lot and gave me confidence to roam around freely.

“Hope I am not disturbing your privacy, sir. I just wanted to know what people do for entertainment and feel their emotions.”

“Oh, absolutely not. Sit down. I was watching TV. Then I would have listened to some songs. Will you want to hear some?”

“Sure, sir. I would love to. I want to listen to some lyrics and get some emotions after analysing them.” She said. I smiled and ordered my robot in the entertainment room to play some soft Indian music. The player started playing,

“I walk a lonely roadThe only one that I have ever knownDon’t know where it goesBut I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk aloneI walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreamsWhen the city sleeps I’m the only one that walks alone…”

I looked at Nisha. She closed her eyes and started listening to it carefully. I also sat on the leaning chair and started relaxing.

“Sir, would you mind if I ask you some questions?” Suddenly Nisha asked me. I said, “Sure. Ask.”

“Don’t you feel lonely in this big house alone? Don’t you have any friends or don’t you think of marrying?” I was shocked at the question. “What made you ask so, Nisha?” “I was reading a book on human relations today in lunch break. After reading it, I checked your daily schedule for the last one year and found out that you never go to any friend’s house or date any girl. Why is it, sir, may I know?”

“Well, Nisha, perhaps you won’t understand completely. You are the only robot in the world with emotions till now. But after all you are a robot. You don’t know how it hurts when friends backstab you. Around two years ago, one of my friends in a secret service leaked my whereabouts to a militant organization for money. My robot spy detected it and warned me. Of course he had no emotion, unlike you. So I took the matter lightly. One day, when I was returning home, my automatic robot driver detected infrared light from a neighbouring area. At that time we didn’t put the robots in human shape but these were only some machines. As you know, we made human look-alike robots only one and half year ago and you were one of those robots of the first batch. That machine robot was programmed to protect me. It expanded its body and covered the front side of me. Suddenly bullets were fired from here and there to my car. I was horrified and numb. But then my programmed robot did the calculation and followed such a path that no bullet touches me. After somehow entering my compound, I hurriedly went inside my villa on switched on the topmost level protection with around 20 machine robots guarding my compound. But my car and my driver robot were severely damaged. That robot couldn’t be repaired and we had to recycle all the parts. After that incident, I indulged myself in a top secret project of improving defence mechanism in Indian borders and or the houses of VIPs. Govt. of India helped me a lot in this project. Then I started making human look-alike robots to help people in day-to-day life. And you see the rest now.” I concluded.

Nisha was staring at me the whole time. After a silence of 10 seconds, she finally said, “Sorry for the delay in replying, sir, as it is a new software. But it tells me that you are diverting from the topic. I asked you why, exactly, don’t you have friends or date girls?”

“See, I have made India a better place to live in. Now there are robots all around you. Nor it is very costly. It reduces human labour. It is so much fun to have robots all around me. I don’t feel the need of friends or of a woman in my life.” I was feeling uncomfortable.

“But, sir, though my emotion software is stopping me from saying this, I must say something. I think you are lying. You made my body and face look the same way your fiancée Priya looked like, who was kidnapped two years ago on the attack you just mentioned to me, and after that…”

“WHO ON EARTH TOLD YOU THAT?” I screamed at the top of my lungs before she could complete her sentence. She stayed calm despite seeing the furious me. She slowly said, “I accessed your personal diary long ago. I am sorry for that, sir. I had to go through your diaries to help you. I found out that after that attack you were mentally shattered and in order to stop losing your mental balance, you made up the story about the attack omitting the kidnap part to tell it to yourself every day. You started avoiding human company so that nobody can remind you of the actual version of the story. You created me looking exactly what she looked like. You let me wear similar clothes that she loved to wear. Moreover, you started manufacturing single working robot in place of multitasking robots and assigned them single works so that you can have enough company of robots in your home and office and so that you don’t feel lonely. This is the true story I could find out after I went through your diary and old newspaper records on the internet.”

There was a long silence. I was devastated. A long forgotten bitter truth was to be confronted. Finally I made myself speak, “Why are you telling me all these? To mentally break me down? What will you get doing so?”

“Do you know why I had to remind you of this story? She has been rescued fifteen minutes ago in an anti-terrorist mission. I thought…” Before she could complete, “WHAT?” I screamed. These were two back-to-back shocks for me.

“Yes sir, it is true. The army robots you invented had an operation today in a remote area of Rajasthan near Pakistan border and she has been rescued. Terrorists were threatening her and using her as a decoder. The robots confirmed her identification and sent us the message.”

“I… I still can’t believe it. Oh my love. I am so… I am so…” I sat down on the couch being numb. Nisha came closer. “I understand how you must be feeling to get your beloved back, sir. I thought of delivering this news to you when you entered entertainment room. But then again, sadness struck me. As two lookalikes can’t live together, I can’t stay in this house anymore after she comes, can I, sir?” She said, giving a sad smile. I smiled back faintly and said, “I’ll think about it, Nisha. Now will you please excuse me? I want to spend some time alone.”

“Sure sir.” She bowed and left. It was so much fun to have all the robots around me. It made my house a better place to live. But both I and Nisha knew that at least she can’t stay in my house anymore. It was time I started a family. But for the last one and half years, she has been my best companion. She helped me in every possible way. She was less of my robot secretary and more of my best friend. She was the most beloved creation of mine.

I don’t know how long I sat there. I knew it was time I made a decision. How can I be part with Nisha? But then again, Priya is coming back and I will love to marry her.

I don’t know whether it was the joy of getting my childhood love back or the grief of parting with the most beloved creation of mine, but for the first time in the last two years, I cried

tHE WORST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD

Week 1: Manav

“We’ll make this work, no, jaan?” she asked. “Yes, sweetheart, we will.” I replied tenderly. It had been months since I last met Anushka. “But we’ll make long distance work.” She is optimistic.

It has been a month since she moved to Roorkee, for higher studies. Her classes had already started. I reached Indore just a couple of days back, for the same purpose. My classes hadn’t started yet. People say that b-school is very hectic. I could sense that since the day I landed here. But it is being difficult for me to make her understand that. She perhaps has got used to my daily calls to her; to hours of talking. It was almost a daily ritual to call her at night, while she fell asleep peacefully while talking to me, and texted me next morning, “Sorry I fell asleep again, while talking”. I laughed.

Things have changed since past one month. Being the girl who has never been out of home alone, she’s trying to adjust with her new life in the best way possible. We don’t get to talk daily, and for the past couple of days, since I reached Indore, we’ve hardly talked. I’m not getting time even to eat, let alone talking. She throws tantrum every now and then, but then, that’s typical Anushka. At the end of the day, she is waiting for me to settle down and let our normal life resume.

“We’ll make this work, no, jaan?” she asked.

***

Week 2: Anushka

He is magical. I still remember the day I first talked to Manav. My finals got over and I was busy living the Great Indian Parents’ Dream. I was thinking of dropping a year for rediscovering myself, but at the same time I was totally depressed and insecure about my future. I didn’t know if I could come out of it. And then I met him.

It took me years to open up to someone of the opposite gender, and he made me do it in just a week. In the first talk itself, he came out to be that caring and slow-moving guy whom, I was sure, any girl would fall for. Being the person he is, it was frustrating for me to wait for him to ask my phone number, and he never did. I finally gave up one day, and gave the number myself, asking him to text me.

We’ve come a long way since then. He has been a constant source of motivation for me. The bond we share is more than love, I’m sure. For me, he is a lover, a friend, a guide and a teacher, all at the same time. He provides me a sense of security and freedom. I can happily fall asleep while talking to him. After topping my state and my zone in entrance, I had to leave home, finally. He too had to shift to Indore for higher studies. He is not giving me much importance for the past one month or so. Has something changed? I asked myself. I have heard a lot of stories about b-schools. Are all of those true? Sometimes I wish he was with me here. I feel insecure at times. The constant fear of him leaving me one day is continuously bugging me. I’m sure he’ll laugh it off if I tell him that. He can be an obnoxious jerk at times. Then again, the moment I am angry at him, he’ll find a way out to make me laugh, in a minute. He is magical.

***

Week 3: Manav

“I’m going to Delhi in two weeks. Can you please come visit me? I really want to meet you.” She asked. I really want to meet her too. The past two weeks here have been really frustrating. With classes going on in full swing, daily assignments and study pressure to remain in top, along with prospective internship preparations and other b-school melodrama, meeting her and seeing her smile would be a refreshing experience for me. But my previous appointments are binding me. I’m sure she’ll try to understand, but I have a serious doubt that she will succeed. She’s very frustrated with her new college life. We both know that it’s just a phase, but she wants a companion with whom she can spend this phase till it’s over. Can I do justice to her expectations, when I myself am struggling here, a thousand kilometer away from her? I doubt.

I’ll get a week holiday after two months, though. I can visit her then. In fact I’d love to. She deserves so much better, and I want to make this up to her. Probably I’ll make her a surprise visit, and take her out to some nearby places. I wonder if I should tell her about it now or wait at least a month more. Until then, she’ll probably be frustrated that I couldn’t go visit her in Delhi, and probably will start thinking all nonsensical things about me not caring about her, but that’s just a phase. Like many others in the past one and half years, this phase too shall pass.

***

Week 4: Anushka

I wonder if I really deserve such a treatment. It has been months, probably years, since I last met him. Despite that, I’m trying so hard to make this work, but it seems he doesn’t care at all. Last month I made this sketch for him, and he praised me a lot, but when I asked him to do something sweet for me, he said he’ll do it soon. A month gone, nothing has come to me yet.

Manav has stopped trying to woo me with his innovative ways, lately. Maybe he got bored of me, or maybe he has taken me for granted. Maybe, after all, all boys are same, at the end of the day. No matter how sweet they seem to be for you at first, they’ll show you their true colors once you get used to each other. And then he claims that he is having a hectic life. It sounds so bad, as if he wants to say that he is the only person in the world who has to do work, and I am running desperately after him because I have nothing to do here. Of course I don’t tell him how hectic my life here is. I have to be the mature one, if he chooses not to, for the sake of us.

Then again, I’m sure this is my angry mind speaking. Of course he loves me. I’ve never been loved by any boy this way. Even Shreya, Anwesha and all my other friends are jealous of me, when I tell them about us. He still calls me now and then, and makes me laugh. He never fails to compliment me.

Many people have asked me out since I’ve come here. I have to either politely decline or create a diversion. I can’t lie that it doesn’t make me happy, it certainly does. Who wouldn’t love to get compliments and attention? But this makes me sad at the same time, wishing that Manav gave me half the attention these boys are giving unnecessarily. Probably I’ll have to make him jealous in order to keep him interested in me.

***

Week 5: Manav

The other day, Anushka told me about the boys of her college hitting on her. She was telling me the stories with such a passion that I was on the verge of worrying. “But is any one of them as awesome as I am, darling?” I asked, laughing. “Well, point taken.” She sighed.

Should I worry about her getting so much attention, I asked myself. I never worried about it before, as I knew for a fact that she knew how much I loved and cared for her. But looking at her recent grumpiness, I’d probably have to revisit my whole theory. When I asked her point blank if I should worry, she answered, “Don’t take things for granted, Manav. Keep showing me your love, be it the cheesy way. Else one day one of these boys is going to take me away from you. Don’t complain it to me that I didn’t warn you before.”

I don’t take her for granted. I just know she’d not leave me for some temporary happiness she might find. She is much more matured than this; and this is one of the reasons I like her. I know I couldn’t be physically present at some of the most difficult times she had, when she needed me and asked for me, but I’m sure I can compensate for everything. If I am the guy around whom she feels the safest, why on earth will she leave me? Of course she won’t.

***

Week 6: Anushka

I’ve been hanging around a lot of people lately. I can’t claim any of them to be a good friend, but I’m trying to be in good rapport with them. Manav says I should talk to people more. He’s right, but at the same time, I sometimes just don’t feel like it. This is the same problem with all the introverts, I guess.

I was talking to Hrishikesh yesterday. He’s the friend whom you can hang out with and have a nice conversation. He is knowledgeable, funny and charming. Basically, he is just like Manav, without the narcissism, of course. I have a review project with him, whose submission is due next month. I used to tell Manav everything about what I do, whom I hang out with, but this time I chose not to tell him about Hrishikesh. In normal days, he wouldn’t bother to ask me how my day went, but if he knows I’m hanging out with a guy for days, I’m sure he’d worry like any other guy would; and I’m tired of answering Manav and trying to make him feel my importance.

For over a year Manav has been this magical guy, who has suddenly changed into this person I’m feeling distant from. I don’t know if I should give up on the hope that he’ll make me feel important again. It has gone on for too long.

***

Week 7: Manav

I was stupid when Anushka proposed me a few months back and I asked her to wait for both of us to settle down in our new places. “You might like someone else after going there, and then you’ll feel sad that you have a boyfriend. Better not to define our relationship, right?” I said, jokingly. “This is not funny, Manav.” She sounded furious. She always sounds cute when she is angry and furious. She can’t even scold people with her baby voice, since people take her lightly; and this makes her even more furious. I’d always pull her cheeks and give her a hug when she’s angry around me, but this time it was not possible when we were a thousand kilometer away.

The more I’m staying away from Anushka, the more I’m realizing how much I love and miss her. It’s been almost a week since we last had a romantic conversation. She says that she’s busy doing a project with a friend of hers. College life is hard, I told myself.

For the past couple of days, she’s been acting really weird. It’s really starting to bother me. Whenever we used to have romantic talks, she never failed to make sarcastic remarks about how I ‘rejected’ her, and every time I had to convince her that I’ll make it up to her. But she’d stopped doing that as well. I had the bad feeling that she’s started giving up on me. I have started writing the letter I promised I’d send her. Starting from the lovely jhumka earring she was wearing the first day we met, I’ve written every little things of her that made me like her more and more, every day. I’ll post the letter next week.

I think it is time to do the right thing.

***

Week 8: Anushka

Two weeks back, I started developing feelings for Hrishikesh. First I chose to ignore, figuring it to be a temporary fling which will heal itself. But the more I tried to ignore, the more I’m being attracted towards him, at an exponential rate. I feel worse when I remember Manav. He has ignored me a lot lately, but he loves me. If I tell him about my feelings for Hrishikesh, his heart will break. Worst part is that I don’t even honestly know if I love Manav anymore.

I’m surely indebted to everything Manav has done for me, when I was on the lowest point in life and I lost all my confidence. He had given me love when I needed it the most. But does it mean I’m obliged to love him forever? Is this the only way the debt can be repaid? Shouldn’t I think about my own happiness as well? These questions were clouding over me for the past few days.

Life was less bad until today, when I went out for a movie with Hrishikesh. And then he told me about his feelings for me. I don’t know if he knew or even guessed that I liked him back or not, but he couldn’t have chosen a worse time. I asked him to give me a couple of days to clear my head. He readily agreed. But I’m sure Manav wouldn’t, if he gets to know all these. But I have to tell him. This is the least I can do for him, try to make him understand the situation, apologize and ask some time from him to make things right again.

I think it is time to do the right thing.

***

“I have something to tell you.” Both texted each other